too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
