i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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