god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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