kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
