guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
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Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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