Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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