I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize