When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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