he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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