i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
