His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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