it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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