Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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Goodbee
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize