I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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