hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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