so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
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I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
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I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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