I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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