I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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