idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize