Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
