is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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