i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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