i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
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For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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