I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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