I wish I only lived at night.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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