i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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