now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
