no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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