hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
