girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We need to rekindle our bromance
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders