dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high