STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
