he wants to bone in the snuggie
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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