he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
