hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize