I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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