I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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