Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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