everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
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my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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