I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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