Betty ford says i'm here all night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
