A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sobbing to NWA
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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