I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
