it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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