We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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