i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize