We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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