Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
