omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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