i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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