He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize